Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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