and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
