Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
