Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
