He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm at about main and main street
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
