Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
