Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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