He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
