I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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