I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
