Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
