What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no, he came in my armpit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
