The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
