What a fucking waste of an outfit
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All the doctor said was why
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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