Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How naked do you want me to be?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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