He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
