Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
