Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
