You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
