where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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