she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hippo gnu deer
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
