There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
