I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
