i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
