he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
