I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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