I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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