Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
