it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
