watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
