I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
