So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
