just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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