Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
