So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
