i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
