the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just pee around me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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