I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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