They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
