i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just invented taco cereal.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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