Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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