I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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