If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
