i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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