this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
