So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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