End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
