I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
