How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
