I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
