Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
