im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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