I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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