fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
